<\/p>\n
So, instead I have decided to tell you about disastrous runs. Like blisters and missing toenails disastrous runs are part and parcel of the world that is running. <\/p>\n
When I really thought about it, I realised, I have had more bad runs than good, or at least it feels that way.
\nThere was the first run, the run where I was nearly killed by the X4 bus, the run where I had that accident, and the run where my hip came out, the planned run that never happened \u2026. really my list is endless. <\/p>\n
My particular favourite disastrous run was the run where I got stuck on a fence. Yes, you read that right; I got wedged on an actual fence. The weather had been bad, snow and ice and general stupid running conditions but I had well and truly been bitten by the bug at this point and I had run in worse.
\nI set of, not unlike Mo Farah would if Mo Farah was slightly chubbier and female, and after a mere mile or so in I couldn\u2019t feel my face or my feet. It was freezing. <\/p>\n
And like life does every now and then, fate or circumstance or just sheer luck (or more like bad luck) gave me two options, I could carry on home which would take another mile or so, or, I could jump a fence which would get me back to warmth and safety in a few nanoseconds. <\/p>\n
It seemed like a no brainer. <\/p>\n
And then I got stuck. <\/p>\n
Granted I\u2019d lost a few inches since I\u2019d taken up running but evidently it was not enough to have squeezed me through a fence fit for the Borrowers. <\/p>\n
So, it was cold and I was stuck, elevated somewhere, it seemed, in-between heaven and the hell.
\nAnd the thing about getting stuck isn\u2019t actually the stuck-ness of it, it\u2019s the panic that comes along with it, the sheer heart pounding, oh my goodness, I\u2019m trapped anxiety. Obviously all rationality had long gone and I had visions of me dying on that fence. <\/p>\n
I think it was just before I considered phoning the police and just after I\u2019d started to weep a bit did I I hear him.
\n\u2018Are you alright?\u2019 he asked and I swear I was so elated I could have thrown myself of the damn fence.
\n\u2018I\u2019m stuck.\u2019 I told a sensibly clad man and his Labrador. \u2018I\u2019m trying to get home and I got stuck.\u2019 I said as fast as my chattering teeth made possible. \u2018I\u2019ve been here for days.\u2019 I said realising that my primadonna, drama queen persona was not a fitting one for stuck on a fence in the snow situation.<\/p>\n
\u2018Oh dear.\u2019 He said and for a horrible moment I thought he was just going to, like the song says, Walk on by. \u2018We\u2019ll get you down in a second.\u2019 He said kindly and I wondered whether offering him a Sunday dinner would be sufficient enough gratitude. <\/p>\n
Approaching a slightly neurotic, high pitched, teeth chattering woman who\u2019d got herself stuck on a fence was always going to be slightly awkward given my delicate area seemed to be the bit restricting my freedom. <\/p>\n
\u2018Right.\u2019 He mumbled and I only hoped he didn\u2019t have some sort of weird fence sticking fetish. \u2018Here we go.\u2019 He said and endeavoured to shove and push me in more than a gentleman like manner.
\nAnd how did I replay him?<\/p>\n
I broke wind. <\/p>\n
And there was no amount of coughing or slapping my clothes to conceal the fact my digestive system had just let it go and let me down simultaneously.<\/p>\n
\u2018Oh god.\u2019 I managed, safely back on the ground, no longer freezing cold but burning hot with mortification. \u2018I\u2019m so…grateful.\u2019 I said copping out on what should have been a blatant apology for nearly gassing the poor Samaritan.
\n\u2018You\u2019re welcome.\u2019 He said but he couldn\u2019t look me in the eye. \u2018Have a good day.\u2019 He shuffled away like one would slide away from a crime scene as quickly as possible. <\/p>\n
So, ladies and gentleman, didn\u2019t go as far as you wanted? Got a little wet, a little dirty, even fell over? If you haven\u2019t farted on a complete stranger I\u2019d say you\u2019ve had a pretty good run!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I considered writing about something sensible for the letter D for an entire fifteen minutes. I thought dehydration would be a good topic to cover given how important hydration is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":3254,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n